We will never have one of those stick family stickers on our car. This is because last year when they got really popular my kids asked for them and started trying to decide which ones would represent our family. It was decided that dad would be a doctor (of course) Sam would be a hockey player (of course) Wynne would be a swimmer or a dancer (tough choice... Maybe she should get two) and mum... "Mum, you'd sort of just be... Nothing..."I sometimes wonder if people could hear my sense of self worth scream as it fell off the cliff.
I was reminded of this again the other day when was at a fundraising event, enjoying an evening out when an aquaintance asked me what I was "doing with my time these days". When I told him I was still home with the kids he looked at me incredulously and said... "But you're so smart... What do you do all day?"
Ahh... The million dollar question that people seem to have no problem asking me over and over. They ask it so often that I start to hear this little voice in my head asking the same question.
It prompted me to take a look at my day to see what it is that seems to keep me busy but that seems to dumbfound those around me, prompting them to question my life choices.
I wake every morning before everyone else. Like most people, I take a few minutes to take mental note of what is going on that day. Do I have any meetings or appointments? Will I see anyone that day... In other words, do I need to wash my hair?
Once that pressing question is answered, I head out to the kitchen to make a coffee before anyone else is up and possibly uses up the milk ... It happens more often than I care to admit that my children need to choose a different breakfast because I need the last of the milk for my coffee. It's then lunches (I don't make them the night before, because I'm an idiot), and a mad dash out the door.
I will return home to my best friends, public radio and DVD work outs, poorly behaved dogs and never ending laundry. I will most likely speak to nobody, save poor unsuspecting cashiers until it's time to get the kids. I will feel like I've accomplished nothing when I am asked "how was your day?" and yet I will have cooked and cleaned, organized both time and belongings. My house will always be a little bit messy and I will inevitably forget to pick up milk (I'm never going to win the employee of the month award). I will likely have volunteered some of my time in the school for math club or fundraising, and I will add other kids to my brood at the end of the day, planning snacks and activity drop offs.
But that is what a job is. Some days are exciting and some days are monotonous. The thing is, we never think to ask someone who is employed for money what they do all day, do we? We don't ask our plumber or our doctor to account for their every minute. And when we praise women for being home with the kids when they are babies, we don't tell them that in a few years we are going to be shocked to learn that "such a smart woman" would choose to stay home once the kids are in school. And then again, nobody tells us that as homemakers, there is going to reach a point when we start to feel out of touch, behind the times, unable to make that leap back into a workforce that we left so long ago. We worry about the kids and the house and the dogs. We have managed and micromanaged every aspect of the family life and walking away from all we have built would be the same as anybody else changing careers in midlife.
So let's make a pact. Acknowledge that the stresses and time constraints are different, but equal (I mean, unless you are in charge of a nuclear weapon or something... then yes, you win!). That there are benefits and perks to going off to work each day and being at home is not cushy, but neither is it torture. That when I bring cookies to the bake sale, you don't need to explain to me how busy you are at work and it "must be nice" to be able to cook from scratch (there are plenty of full time workers who cook from scratch and many stay at home moms who open a package). Most of all ...I won't ask you to give me the details of what it is you do all day if you will agree to do the same for me.